So you’ve made the brave and important decision to start doing Shadow Work but you aren’t sure how to begin. This article will cover the very basics, but don’t underestimate the challenge or the impact. Journaling your thoughts, feelings and reactions can change your life, but it will take some time. Thank yourself for getting started now. 

 
What is Your “Shadow”?
 
Our Shadow is any aspect of ourselves that resides in the subconscious. This relates to actions we take without being fully aware of why we made that choice or emotional states that seem sharp and reactive in response to situations that trigger us. This can also be aspects of our true or authentic self that we keep hidden in order to stay safe or feel accepted. 

Our shadow can also be seen as the part of us that we’d rather not explore or the voices that we wish you could just silence because they don’t feel like they fit with who we think we need to be. The truth is, the Shadow contains important parts of who we really are and getting to know it is essential to being our true and full selves. 

 
What is “Shadow Work”?
 
Shadow Work is the practice of taking time to understand the aspects of ourselves that we don’t control directly and tending to those parts. Oftentimes this involves processing trauma, addressing critical self talk and healing our relationship with situations that leave us uncomfortable or overwhelmed. One of the key elements to this tending is learning to show ourselves unconditional curiosity and compassion. Being able to stay calm or return to a state of peace after experiencing a “trigger” is just one goal of Shadow Work. This ability comes from being okay with ourselves and feeling safe in our own bodies as well as trusting our ability to make good decisions that are aligned with our morals and values. 

Shadow Work can also include the process of welcoming all of our authentic parts into our lives and showing off our true personality no matter the context or situation. This is especially true for those parts we hide for different reasons such as to fit in or to protect ourselves from harsh, judgmental or even dangerous people and social situations. While we can’t always be our full, unedited self in every situation, the goal is to know ourselves well and make active, not reactive decisions of how we act. 

 
How Do You “Do the Work”?
 
While your Shadow Work practice can include many elements, the core habit will be journaling so that is where you should start. It is traditional to buy a paper journal and to do your writing and reflecting in that style. Other options include using a digital document such as a Google Doc, which can make it easy to journal at different times in different places or to record your thoughts as voice notes. It is most likely that you won’t ever want to share these recordings with anyone, but the podcast app Anchor is great for recording your voice for later reflection. What’s important is that you have a place to document your thoughts, feelings and reactions that you can return to for later review and reflection.
 
Journaling Prompts

• Who in your life (past or present) has had an impact on how you see yourself and the world? What lessons have you been taught that you appreciate and want to keep? What are some things you were taught that may no longer serve you and maybe never did? 
• What are you reactive to? When do you feel intense emotions, either positively or negatively? What emotions do you feel when you’re having these experiences? 
• When you have an experience with big emotions or the voices in your head are saying things you don’t like, practice showing yourself curiosity and compassion. Ask yourself, “What is this sensation, emotion or voice trying to tell me? What does it have to teach me? What is it trying to protect me from?” Even if it seems mean or feels like something that is holding you back it is important to remember that our inner parts ultimately want the best for us, they often just don’t know the best way to go about it. 
• Where do you feel your emotions, pain, triggers, etc in your body? What physical sensations can you connect with your experiences? Where is the sadness, fear, anger, etc? The more you can get to know these emotions the more you can tend to them and learn from them. Write it all down. 
• Why are you doing Shadow Work? What are your goals for doing this work? What changes are you hoping to create in your life by tending to the needs in your Shadow? What motivates you?
• How does this make you feel? After you do your journaling, take time to go back and read or listen to what you documented and react to it. This can be right after or days later. The process of thinking about what you are thinking is called metacognition and is important as you learn to listen to yourself and invite in productive change. Consciously reacting is a big goal of shadow work. 

 

Going Further
 
This article outlines the basics and gets you started on your journey. There are other elements that can be helpful as you continue your work, but this will take you far. Be kind and patient with yourself. Be proud that you are setting aside the time to do this work at all and know that it will take time. The process of healing, of tending to our sorted past, is not a linear process but progress is possible and you will make it.


Additional Resources

• 100+ Journaling Ideas For Deep Mental & Spiritual Healing by LonerWolf (article)
• 50 Best Shadow Work Prompts for Mental Health and Healing by Dancing in the Rain (article)
• 31/30/29/28 Day Shadow Work Journaling Calendars by Shwee (facebook post)
• An Easy 6-Step Somatic Exercise to Process Triggers (article)
• Healing Trauma: A Pioneering Program for Restoring the Wisdom of Your Body by Peter A. Levine (book) - Amazon*, BookShop.org* (book)
• Self Therapy by Jay Earley - Amazon*, BookShop.org* (book)
• Bringing Your Shadow Out of the Dark by Robert Augustus Masters Ph.D. - Amazon*, BookShop.org* (book)
• How to Be an Adult: A Handbook for Psychological and Spiritual Integration by David Richo (book) - Amazon*, BookShop.org*
• Shadow Work: The Ultimate Guide for Beginners (video)
• Center for Sapient Living (facebook support group)

 
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Need More Help?
 
If the process of doing your journaling practice feels akin to drowning, you are experiencing increased stress or other intense emotions or are struggling with flashbacks and nightmares, it may be time to seek additional help. Booking a Discovery Call with Shadow Work coach and teacher, Thomas F. Webber is a good place to start. In your call you will have an opportunity to ask questions, feel heard and see if Thomas is a good fit for your goals, timeline and budget. If he is not right for you he will connect you with additional resources so you can continue on your journey to a life after living with an untended Shadow. 
 
To book a call you can either email Thomas as ThomasFWebber@gmail.com or find a time on Thomas’ Calendly scheduler. Discovery calls are always free!

by Rebecca E. Webber
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​"This is an imminently practical workbook that shows a variety of invaluable techniques to get centered, calm and organized. An effective and enjoyable guide to help you feel in charge of yourself." -- Bessel van der Kolk, M.D., Renowned trauma expert, author & psychiatrist

by Rebecca E. Webber
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​Through the small amount of research I have been conducting over the past few days I have learned quite a bit, but mostly about what is not possible or not happening. From this video I learned that even several weeks ago when numbers weren’t so high and concentrated, it was already difficult to get a priest in to give Last Rites. I was also made aware that families cannot touch and say goodbye to their loved ones who are infected which is having a devastating impact on those left behind. Here in Washington State we already have a ban on funerals. As of 3 days ago the BBC was reporting that all of Ghana has gone into mourning. 

All of this has me thinking, with a collapsing social structure, what will be done in the short term to meet these needs and also how will this sift death rituals in our societies forever? I have been reaching out to funeral experts who say they are not yet sure what will come next, but something has to. I asked them what new traditions are taking over and within the last day I have been told that nothing has really taken hold yet, but an attempt towards virtual services is being made. A new friend of mine who is an operations manager at a local synagogue shared with me that the virtual community gatherings that she is already facilitating are in part being hosted to get people comfortable with connecting in that way. She anticipated losing more members to the virus, as they have already lost one member, and she wants everyone to be comfortable with Zoom and the like for when they have to start hosting memorials electronically. Here is an article about how this is already taking shape in California - Death during a pandemic: virtual shiva and funerals without mourners. 

I was taught by the funeral directors that currently the fear is surrounding safety and proper handling of the bodies which require additional photographic documentation due to no next-of-kin being able to identify them and witness where they get buried or cremated. Everything is still very mathematical, strategic and impersonal which makes sense because there is just no other way right now. At this point there is more concern about keeping people alive, not about the dead and their communities. But the directors were hopeful that a combination of new virtual traditions and the possibility of hosting gatherings at a later date would be sufficient. I have been speaking to green or natural death service providers and I am inspired to think about all of the possibilities available. There are so many ways to honor the dead and in the West we are just getting started down the road to creating ceremonies that we truly benefit from. There is a lot to learn from each other and this is as good as time as any to take by our end of life traditions, move away from Victoriana options that don’t usually allow people proper grieving anyway and move forward to a better relationship with death and loss. Here is a great Tedx Talk where Claire and Ru discuss the beautiful experiences they have been creating for people - Death, grief, ritual and radical funerals | Claire & Rupert Callender | TEDxTotnes

Along with the change in funeral traditions, I keep thinking about how inevitable the PTSD following this collective trauma appears to be. If people do not have healthy ways to express their feelings, especially fear and loss, there will be long term consequences. How we navigate these times as one human family is going to make all the difference to how we remember it. I have hope because people are often resilient and creative, adaptable in the worst of times. If we can come together, create new traditions and honor our experiences we just might be alight in some ways even though we can never bring back those we will lose. 

I don’t know exactly what will happen next, mostly because I am new to this subject but also because no one really knows much about anything right now. What I am sure of though is that there are a lot of wonderful people right now who are doing everything they can to provide dignity to the dying and support for those left behind because that is what they do, it is what they have done and will continue to do. As for me, I will continue to watch what happens, talk to my current contacts as well as make more and maybe create more content. I have thought about hosting a group chat with various people from this industry. I have also thought of hosting some sort of online non-denominational service of my own for those grieving so I became a certified minister. Only time will tell.
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If you have any thoughts on this subject, would like to be in the future group chat or have resources and answers I can add to this article people email me at RebeccaEWebber@gmail.com.  


Special Thanks

Claire & Ru from The Green Funeral Company
Rosie from The Natural Death Center
Morgan at Kadima Reconstructionist Community


Further Readings

Why we need end-of-life rituals
Five death rituals to give you a new view on funerals
Coronavirus is posing special challenges for those trained to help the dying and their families
Grieving alone — coronavirus upends funeral rites
Funerals Must Change In This Time Of Social Distancing
Virtual Memorials | Encyclopedia of Death and Dying ​
Coronavirus: Funeral homes adjust to smaller ceremonies
Death during a pandemic: virtual shiva and funerals without mourners
Virtual Memorials and No Hugs: The Funeral Industry Prepares for Coronavirus

​Fast forward 4 months. At this point I've already decided that I was not going to go back to the first dentist because they said they took my insurance but I still got a huge bill ($350 for the x-rays, cleaning and exam). They told me that they were in my network and the appointment would be covered, but it wasn't. Regardless of all that confusion, I still thought I needed all the work done at this point I was thinking about it all the time.

Eventually I plucked up the courage to call a new dentist and made an appointment, this time for only x-rays and an exam for $19 cash. I went in and even though I didn't have the language myself, they made sense of the fact that I needed a second opinion. They did the x-rays and the dentist comes in, performed the exam and tells me that he can only see one spot that could use repair right away. It was a crack on a back molar. He recommended a filling where as dentist #1 had wanted to do a full crown. Dentist #2 said that in his opinion I didn't have any teeth that would qualify for a crown and he only saw a few other spots where he could do fillings, but they were only dark spots that may never become cavities and I certainly didn't have any cavities at the time. He refereed to himself as a rather conservative dentist and preferred to do as little as possible. 

I was honestly shocked. $3,000+ worth of work vs $112 and I wasn't failing my teeth! Dentist #2 said that my teeth were very healthy, very low risk for any issues. He even showed my my x-rays and explained that my teeth were about as strong as they come. Yes, I have some fillings, but only on the top of my molars which apparently is a very good thing and was inevitable based on the shape of my teeth. Two days later I got a cleaning and a filling so now I'm all up to date for another 6 months!

That long story was basically to explain why I would write a whole article just about my teeth. The truth is I care a lot about my health, teeth included, but I felt like I was doing something wrong when dentist #1 wanted to do all that work, so I didn't want to share my routine. Now that I know that how I take care of my teeth is actually working great, I feel confident sharing my personal recipe for success. Also, now you know that you can get a second opinion and maybe you should!
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